screenshot of olivia octavius on jj jameson’s talk show and the little scrolling headline at the bottom says [debate: does spider-man hate women in STEM?]
jameson: im afraid that’s all we have time for olivia. i now have on the line applied chemistry and genetics pioneer, tech genius, and ceo of oscorp industries norman osborn weighing in with an account of the time he saw spider-man let a promising young science major fall off a bridge to her death
so he grabs her with his own webbing and her neck breaks you say? shocking. really tragic stuff. more proof the webhead hates broads who can count or whatever. you know what else breaks norman? this show; we’ll be right back after these messages from our sponsors
prayer to whichever dead catholic person is most appropriate: may I not have to run a whole week of surprise camps on crutches. in a knee brace.
Im agnostic raised liberal protestant, but absolutely the catholics got saints right. Sometimes your problem is so fucking specific you need Some Guy. If you’re listening, Guy of Workers Who Have Strain Injuries,
No fucking WAY, there’s actually a knee injury Guy? Catholicism accidentally reinventing the medical specialty system……
I know you’re wondering: are there slutty pictures of him revealing his knees?
Saint Roch, by Francesco Ribalta, c. 1625, Museo de Bellas Artes, Valencia
[image id: st. Roch staring soulfully and hiking up his robe to show that his thigh has a bubo on it, also sluttily revealing his knees]
Daryl and Marlin, our ship cats! It’s Marlin’s second season sailing (though he’s been with us three years- got locked at the seaport last season for crimes) and Daryl’s first! What sweet babies 💖
The people have spoken: What Crimes Has Locked This Poor Soul Away
You are Marlin, ship’s cat and mascot of the tallship Lady Washington. It is the summer of 2021, you are about a year old, and full of Mischief.
Lady is docked in the Port of Everett, and no one is paying attention to you- never mind the fact that they’re doing their jobs and getting money so they can keep pampering you. No, they’re not paying attention to you Right This Instant, so you decide you want to take a little jaunt off the ship and explore on your own.
In addition to the marina, the waterfront, and all manner of other delights, the Port of Everett also has a Naval base, so you decide to check it out! See what all the fuss is about.
Of course, wandering kitties without the proper credentials aren’t allowed on high security Naval bases, so when the Marines inevitably capture you and ask you where your people are and what you’re doing here and how you got here, you just curl up cutely and bat your eyes and meow the most pitiful meow because these new people are paying attention to you but not the Right attention, no one’s even petting you!
They call the number on your collar, which goes to the captain of Lady at the time, who… is on leave. In Florida.
“Ma'am? Is this your cat?”
“Oh god yeah where was he?”
“A high security government facility. Can you come pick him up?”
“Considering I’m on the other side of the country, no. Let me get in contact with the crew to send someone.”
“Thank you. Also he’s very cute.”
“I know.”
So the captain does just that, playing telephone while trying to find someone to go pick you up. Except by the time a viable crewmember is chosen and calls back to confirm, you’ve gotten bored and decided you want to leave.
So you clawed the Marine holding you and escaped.
You get a smidgen more exploring time before you’re captured again and taken to your crew and back to the boat, but at this point no one is happy including you, because no one pet you the Whole Time you were off adventuring and that’s a damn travesty.
And not only that, when you get back to the ship, you’re locked up tight in the aft cabin because no one trusts you anymore not to wander off and break into government facilities when they’re not looking, and then when the boat gets back to her homeport in Aberdeen, they do you just the WORST injustice and lock you inside there! For the whole winter! And then the following summer, because you are now a Criminal and Criminals don’t sail.
Except this season, you made Big Pouty Eyes at everyone, and they caved and let you back on, so you are a very happy kitty now.
With a tracker in your collar so this doesn’t happen again.
the ocean as a metaphor ALWAYS slaps. the ocean as a hungry force that wants to consume you? the ocean as something vast and unknowable, like a god itself? the ocean as freedom and liberation? the ocean as the mysteries of the self? the ocean as love? never fails to get me
